Yesterday I Became Woman

I sit here reclined in this large blue chair of mine that indeed holds my petite weight. But in thought, I do ponder if it too could hold the weight of my hearts temporary ache. At times I wonder how a human body has the ability to obtain the mass of my ailing. A woman such as I seems to never know what is next to come, just only that there are more complex lessons to learn. Yesterday I learned that when priorities have been tossed in the air like that of a clown act, decisions made soon after only aid to amplify your pain. I never knew that about life. After all everything that I learned about males only came from experience but if only you will allow me to tell you about my yesterday, it will surely be my pleasure; for it was the day I became a woman.

Womanhood can be defined by so many attributes, this I am aware of. From the losing of virginity to the receiving of the menstrual cycle, from the acceptance of flaws in an unreliable spouse to the child support check, randomly lost in his new girlfriend’s Dior wallet. From the importance of loving your seed to the well cared for college daughter disrespecting her body, yet demanding your money using tactics of guilt and greed. “Who is woman?” The stages in which she develops her title differ. But when I became a woman, I finally knew who I was as a person. From that point forward tolerance levels decreased while expectancy levels increased and on yesterday my hearts palpitation altered the pattern and pace in which it normally beats.
  

Yesterday I vowed never to let man hurt me the way that he did. It was never physical but psychological and indeed verbally. I never read the signs. I saw them but I never read them. His love would be true is what I believed in my heart but as things began to evolve, I noticed that it wasn’t how it was from the start. Playing around, a joke here a joke there turned into him toying with my heart. If my heart were made from clay he would caress then twist, pull apart re grip and continue to distort its shape unless I pleaded or begged for mercy and this he did over and over but it was just too strong to break.

I never knew he had control over me. A fib here a lie there, he said he only did it to console me, protect me. A smile here a blush there until his connotative yet distinguished ways would no longer affect me. Sometimes when we are so focused on avoiding the things we do not want, we actually fall closer to them and then forget what we were attempting to alleviate and what exactly we were trying to distance ourselves from. With the understanding that no one indeed is perfect I now humbly loosen my hair still reclined in this large blue chair and think.

Yesterday told me when betrayal approaches the fan that you religiously place your face in front of for air and relief it is normal to expect a feeling of self doubt, pity and grief; But not me. I let it blow though my hair and laugh now. After all being a woman is about noticing patterns and constructing them to you likeliness. Womanhood derives when people take you seriously and respect your thoughts, words and opinions. Conversation with the masses portrays that of prayer and not bitterness, hatred and lack of class. Still I ask, “Who is woman?” I am. Yesterday told me so. Yesterday I learned that faulting self for mans glory will only speed up your short comings and down falls. I learned that love is not supposed to hurt but mend and create feelings of long term joy. Yesterday I became woman.

Still I sit here reclined in this large blue chair of mine wondering how it can carry the weight of my temporary ache and the mass of ailing from a woman such as I. I now shake my hair lusciously from side to side. Woman and I are now intertwined.