They Way I Used To Feel About Love

When it comes down to relationships everyone who knows me well knows I've been in some really fucked up situations. Sometimes it may even seem that lessons need to be run through over and over and over in order for me to get shit right. I've always been a strong lover. I love hard and I love quickly and often times my love has been mistaken for a game...a joke or to be insincere. But when I find someone that I like...I put him at the top of my list. I adore him and I treat him to the best of my ability. Now we may go through things that to others may look really messed up but if the two of us are strong enough and have courage enough to work things out I know things will be ok. This is whether we result to a friendship level, have a high and bye relationship or decide to speak no longer. When I'm in love you can't pull me out. You can pull me away but I'm just going to snap back until I find myself better off or tired. You may think this is not the way I should live my life. You may also think that I deserve better that what I've been getting; and although that may be true I have been praying for the one who will change my life since I was 13 years old. I wanted so badly to experience a love that would be fruitful and worth my effort along with his together. Have I found him yet; that I'm not sure of, but those who I really give my time to do have his traits, character, style and sophistication. Everyone wants to look out for Krystal and that I love...trust me I'm blessed to know that there are people that have my back when I'm in need but many of the occasions in which people have attempted to help me only made things worse. That's why I'm usually to myself. I often feel that if I express myself to someone who doesn’t understand that in the long run I will loose. Maybe that's not the mentality I'm supposed to have but that's how I've been all my life. I wanted to love so badly that shit that others look at and say nah that's not right I could over look, and remain content. Once again perhaps that’s something I need to work on but that's just who I am. I'm a lover and a strong one at that. Being in love keeps me elevated but when you’re in love w/ the wrong person you can too drown. And I've been under water for months now just hoping some1 would pull me up and love me back to my human self with a sound mind and a humble yet eager heart. I am ready for love but sometimes I think maybe its waiting on me to take the first step...who knows?